Dear Alice- FOUR MONTHS

Dear Alice,

4 months! I can't believe it, where did it all go? Since you came into my life, everything has changed. I feel like so many people told me my life was all going to change when I was pregnant, but you can never really be prepared for it. I am just starting to truly understand the amount you have to give up when you have a baby. No more lie ins, no more watching a whole film, no more cheeky glasses of wine on a Friday night (unless it's not my turn to get up at 5am! Haha). It is no exaggeration, having a baby is a full time job. And yesterday proved that.

Yesterday was a bad day. It was the first bad day we have had together. You cried, and screamed, and cried some more. Nothing I did helped. I felt like a total failure as a mother, like I didn't know what I was doing. I felt angry at myself for not knowing what was wrong, then frustrated when you wouldn't stop crying, and then just completely upset because we were both exhausted! It was hard. On top of all this, you refused to drink your milk, threw anything I gave you back up and didn't sleep for about 6 hours in a row (eep!).

After a call to the health visitor, I realised you were teething. Yes. It has begun! Just as I finally get you to sleep in your own cot right through the night, you start teething! By the end of the day I was just so exhausted, and upset, and suffering from the worst headache ever. And then you did something which made the whole day worth it...

YOU LAUGHED!

Oh my goodness! It is the sweetest, most amazing, most incredible sound I have ever heard! You were giggling and laughing and smiling and squealing! I have been waiting for that sound for so long, and it was just amazing.

It made me realise that although we are going to have our rough days together, every single second of them is worth it. Having a baby is hard work Alice, but there is no job in the world that I would rather be doing then looking after you. I love you so much sweetpea, and don't you ever forget it!

xxx