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Monday, January 21, 2013

Being A Mum



Sometimes I look in the mirror, and I do NOT feel like a mum. I have spots, greasy hair and am wearing an oversized t-shirt with leggings. I feel more like a teenager than a responsible parent! I think that we all have little ideas on our heads of what we will be like, look like, act like when we become a parent. I for example, imagined being married for 3 years and living in a 3 bedroom house in the suburbs of London. I would be older, like 30, and have much shorter, un-dyed hair which would fall perfectly in that mumsy way! I would be mature, enjoy gardening and baking cupcakes, own only sensible dresses/midi skirts and cardigans and I would definitely not even dream of having more than 2 sips of wine a week.

In reality, I am a 24 year old, Topshop obsessed unemployed, unmarried bleach blonde women who rents a (very pretty) cottage with my boyfriend. I still get spots, I still feel fat some days, I still slump about in joggers I wore when I was 18! Some days I look in the mirror and think "I do not look like a mum". But I am a mum! And it's just crazy!

These feelings can sometimes hold me back a little. When I hear about my single friends and their crazy nights out I can't help but feel a little down about having to stay indoors and look after Alice. I see friends having amazing careers, meeting so many people and travelling all over the world, and I can't help but feel a little twinge of jealousy. I can't decide to travel round the world at the drop of a hat. I can't just go out on a Wednesday night and get drunk and ride home in a shopping trolley. And I definitely can't call in sick! Even when Alice starts screaming at half 4 in the morning...

I miss being able to spend more than 2 minutes in the shower. I miss being able to take time on my hair and make-up. I miss being able to read a book. And finish it! I miss being care free and being able to go out with my friends whenever I like! I miss the possibilities that being single and childless brings with it.

Having a baby so young (well, younger than the average for the UK) has sometimes been difficult to come to terms with. I'm not where I thought I would be in my life and my close friends aren't even close to having children yet. But now, nearly a year after Alice was born, I am beginning to feel more like a mum. Just walking her down the road in her pram makes me feel like a mum now, whereas before I felt like I was walking someone else's baby! With each milestone that passes, I feel I am easing into the role of being a parent. It has been a long journey, but finally the days that I look in the mirror and think, "I'm a mum" are definitely becoming more frequent!

Alice. I love you. And I am so proud to be your mummy.

xx

15 comments:

  1. I'm 21 and have been with my OH five years so having a baby was the perfect additition to our family. But that doesnt make it any easier seems as though i honestly look about 16. Your right, you feel you should look all mummsy but nahhhh not happening. x

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  2. I sometimes look at my wardrobe and think "I can't wear that, I'm a mum!" Haha (well, not so much anymore since I had a massive clear out). And I look like I'm 12 most of the time... I'd say my wardrobe has shifted to be more 'mature' but not 'mumsy' hehe. I just think it's funny how, had I not had aiden, I'd be out partying all the time just like I used to, but now the THOUGHT of going to club in itself is exhausting! Though a lot of my life plans have changed drastically - not that I mind, our babies are worth it! Xo

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  3. Be assured, I don't think it's an age thing! I'm married and 27 (with a 20 month old) and I still don't feel like I'm the mum I imagined I'd be. I think your mind and body change so much after having a baby it takes an awful lot of adjusting! It seems to be getting harder the older my son gets. Sometimes I forget I'm still quite young! I'm 15 weeks pregnant too so maybe I'll feel more like a 'mum' when I have two???x

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  5. So well put -- I feel the exact same way!!! LOVEEEE your blog!!!! Definitely have a new follower!

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  6. i know how you feel. i am a young mum for our area and sometimes i get some looks--but i have never felt happier than i am now and every day i am getting closer to thinking of myself as a mummy :)

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  7. Thanks for this post! I am not officially a mum yet, but my baby is due in May and I myself will only be 22 and have had quite a few of these thoughts run through my head whilst thinking about what my future holds for me, it's nice to know I'm not alone! :-) Especially considering when I went to buy a Euromillions ticket, I got I.D'd... I'll probably look about 14 with a child haha xxx

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  8. I like your London accent in your writing. "Mum"...we don't hear that in the states too often! Being a mom is an amazing task...I say task, because it is..even as enjoyable and rewarding as it is; we were placed with that role to mother and to teach. Sometimes, there isn't a lot of time to get dressed and look pretty, but the purpose is bigger than what we look like daily! I did imagine I would have it more together and it would be easier, surprise! I am expecting my second (I'm 28, had my first at 25) and no matter what age you are, it will never be an easy job! But there's nothing else I would rather do:)

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  9. I couldn't agree more with this post - I had my eldest at 24 and even now, at 26, with two kids and a ring on my finger, I still feel like an imposter sometimes!x

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  10. You are sooo pretty :)
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  11. Aww, I think you are a great mom! I have some of these same thoughts at times, I think it is totally normal. :-)

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  12. This post sang to me. I was 20 when I had my son, and now in my early thirties, I look forward to living the life of a young married couple when my son is older and my husband and I are, well, not so young. I seem to have done things in the reverse order than my friends, many of whom are now having their first child. I love being a mom, as I'm sure you do, but there is nothing wrong with admitting that it's easy to lose sight of your own dreams, wants, and wild ways in favor of taking care of that little person. I woke up one day almost 5 years ago and realized that I was not only a wife and mom, but also a living breathing person who was in desperate need of self-fulfillment. I went back to college (last semester!) and work everyday to strike a balance between my varying roles. I loved your post...and am so happy to now be following along on your journey.

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  13. I feel like this as a 26 year old mum, who much wanted our baby. I miss showers and long bubble baths. And often can't believe my hair is my own... Straw and scarecrow like! I find mum and baby groups are the best! It seems no matter what age, 18-35, becoming a mum is a shock. Wonderful, but a shock! X

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  14. Your photo has been stolen and used for ads. It's being done on websites using banner ads by Taboola. I'd be really creeped out if it happened to me, just thought you might like to know!

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