Why it's NOT OK to call your children little s**t's

There's a new parenting trend. It has many names including, "slummy mummy", "honest parenting" "winging it"... and I'm all for it. Really, I am. Parenting is flipping hard sometimes and often made worse by this impossible quest for perfection. Whatever you're doing with your kids, the chances are, someone thinks you're doing it wrong. And that really needs to stop. No one can be perfect, just the way that no child is perfect. Putting each other down is a pointless and frankly damaging thing to do. We should all be supporting each other because it makes us stronger, better parents. And ultimately creates happier kids.

When I had Alice, I turned to the online world for support. I began reading parenting blogs, and they all seemed to have one thing in common. There were all portraying parenting as if it were easy. With perfect pictures of clean, snot-free babies dressed up in floral dresses, or sat in a basket with a puppy keeping watch, or wrapped delicately in fairy lights for Christmas and with posts which gushed with tales of love for their children. About how wonderful it was when little Jay Jay woke at 2 am for a cuddle because it gave them time alone to be together and gaze into each others eyes. I mean, COME ON! Really?

But I bloody fell for it. Because I was young, and naive, and I had no idea how this parenting thing was supposed to work. I read them nearly every day and exhausted myself by trying to live up to their unrealistic expectations they were setting. I would get stressed or upset when I was up 3 times a night with Alice, and then be consumed with guilt for feeling anything but love for her in those moments of continuous crying. Those long exhausting nights where I felt I was doing everything wrong.

I came across Charlottes blog, write like no ones watching, and it was as if I had met a real mother for the first time. Not only was she in a similar situation to me (young, new baby, slightly shit scared of parenting), but she was honest about motherhood. She wrote about the tough times, about her fears, about the mistakes she had made, and it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I realised for the first time, that every parent goes through these dark times, and that it didn't make you a bad parent at all. In fact, it made you stronger.

So this trend for honest parenting sounds pretty good to me. Except, this trend is, in my opinion, turning a little too negative for me.

I know how social media works now. I understand that a lot of these blogs are simply appealing to their target audience. I think we all know that these mothers are fantastic parents who love there children unconditionally (can't believe I actually have to write that!!). But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel they go too far.

Because as much as I believe fish fingers are a staple part in every Childs diet and a glass of wine after a hard day with the kids is pretty much mandatory, I don't believe my children are ever really to blame for the way I feel. Children, are children. They are a product of the environment they are raised in. They are growing humans and push boundaries, throw tantrums, refuse to put shoes on and sometimes just break things and make a mess because they feel like it.

This doesn't make them little s**t's. This doesn't make them evil monsters. This makes them normal, healthy children.

Of course it's not easy. Of course you can have a moan, we all need to from time to time. No one is perfect. We all have hard days. But I don't believe this gives us the right to call our children little s**t's. And especially not for the sake of a few likes on Facebook.

A lot of it is said with tongue and cheek, and I get that. But I find myself wondering how I would feel, if I grew up to find my mum had been sharing all my little temper tantrums and naughty moments all over the internet? That when my mum had given me a hug after I had spilled all my drink over the sofa and told me it was alright, she had then gone online to share this hilarious story with all her followers in a way that made me out to be the root of all stress in her life? Not very good, I can imagine.

Please, don't read this the wrong way. My god, I am definitely guilty of oversharing. And of making my kids WAY too many fish fingers. And I strongly believe in sharing the bad bits of parenting as well as the good. I would hate for other new mums to feel as useless an inadequate as I did after I had Alice. But I do think there is a balance. We need to be respectful of our children, to be understanding when they tantrum and to remember that they (usually) don't do these things to make our life miserable. They are simply being children.

So please, please internet, stop calling your kids little s**t's. They don't deserve that.